“If you make it a habit not to blame others, you will feel the growth of the ability to love in your soul, and you will see the growth of goodness in your life.”
-Leo Tolstoy, A Calendar of Wisdom
Today’s quote by Russian writer Leo Tolstoy is one that most of us consciously try to live by each and every day because something that often becomes our default when something does not go our way is that we blame others. If there is even a habit to break is this one. In doing so it can lead to habits you would want to more than likely acquire. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits says that “habits are the compound interest of self-improvement.” He couldn’t be more right.
We need to keep in mind that the only thing we can ever control is ourselves. We cannot control others or the situation at hand; only our reaction to it. So, in this never ending effort of self improvement we need to make it a habit not to blame others. So I have a question for you. Has the result of blaming someone else for something ever benefited you, the situation or the relationship with that certain someone? I’m pretty confident the answer you would say is probably not. In fact, for me it has made matters worse all around and things actually became worse because of it. One of the biggest recommendations I can give you and that it is easier said than done: think before you act. We need to be self aware of the emotions that we may be experiencing in the moment as this will help us trigger the self management phase in handling them. When you do and can control yourself from blaming others, celebrate it and compliment yourself. When you don’t, don’t beat yourself up. Reflect on what went well and what didn’t and what you will do the next time you are faced with a similar circumstance. Life is forever a learning process.
Now I mentioned earlier that when you stop the habit of blaming others you open the door for two new and positive habits to grow: the love in your soul and seeing the goodness in your life. Love. Whether you give it, receive it, it doesn’t matter. There is no other greater feeling than that. It taps into other emotions that we may never had to known to exist. Blaming others taps into emotions of frustration, anger and resentment. All negative vibes that causes further separation and disconnect between two people. When we choose not to blame others we choose that love and the belief that despite things not turning out the way we had hoped, we shall overcome together. We are much better off together than divided.
Seeing the good in your life. That is the other habit that can grow when you get rid of blaming others. You may be wondering what good is there really with all that is happening in the world and how things may be affecting you personally. It’s there, whether it is hiding on you or has been buried by negativity. You need to look for it, think on it and if you believe in it, pray on it. If it is buried, grab a shovel and start digging. Finding the good in your life, whether it is family, friends, or having a roof over your head, is the priceless treasure we all have the ability of discovering. Belief is a powerful thing and its time you start believing that anything is possible, even finding the good in your life.
Remember the habit of blaming others holds us back and prevents us from growing in love and seeing the good that is in our lives. Both of these entities are in fact there for all of us to attain and are within our grasp. When we get our minds right, choose not to blame others and encompass more of a growth mindset, love and seeing the good in our lives that comes from that love will be limitless.
What does this quote mean to you and how can you apply today’s message towards managing yourself better?